All I want for Christmas … is the Ghostface Doll.

For a mere $499, the Ghostface Doll comes equipped with poseable hat, 14K gold eagle wristband, 14K gold pendant/chain and velvety robe. It comes “enclosed in a box that has remnants of Fine Louis XIII cognac” and is accompanied with an exclusive mixtape CD of 36 Ghostface songs mixed by DJ Rhettmatic.

Did I mention it talks? Oh, it talks. The doll says such pleasant lines as: “Remember when I long dicked you and broke your ovary?” Just imagine how much fun that would be to open on Christmas morning with the family!

Judging by the “Adventures of Little Ghost” (pics sorta NSFW), this is kinda like Lil’ Penny, only, you know, way cooler.

So, seriously, who’s buying this thing for me?